MY BREAKDOWN

I don't know what triggered my anxiety. All I know is I was watching Grey's Anatomy; I missed the premier so I watched it on my computer George, George died. He died, he wasn't the action of the show but he was and will always be 007.

That was sad; I was hoping it would be the wrong person. George his that person you love to hate because you didn't know his roll or purpose for being on the show, but you loved him anyway.
I cried a little, its George picturing the show without him kinda sucks. I cried a little more, and more, and more.

Than I started SOBBING you can say that, out of my breath searching for air about to pass out, everything is turning black.

I knew at that point I wasn't crying because of George I was crying about something and for ten minute. I didn't know why these tears wouldn't stop.

I started to panic, I’m taking deep breath, thinking happy thoughts it wasn't working. I set on the corner of the room my knees close to my chest, that didn't work either. Trying to figure out why I was panicking drove me to the edge, I'm trying to catch my breath and the room was getting darker and darker.

I remember talking out loud saying how much I hate GOD, I hate him so much every time my life is going great he always have to make me unhappy. I hated him for taking everything and everyone important in my life disappears. I hated that he was letting me go through this alone. Most importantly I hate him for abounding me. I feel along and I can't sense his present I hate him for making me go through this.

I was getting worse by the minute. I was crying about my ex-boyfriend, we've broken up for a while know. I can say months, and I never thought about it much. I let it go at least that's what I thought. Crying about George triggered me to cry about our break up, knowing that this was it no more George.

I had to face the truth and accept that it was really over. I never dealt with it the first time you know. I just went on with my life and didn’t even turn back. I needed to watch a freakin’ TV show to point out my life? Seriously!

I wanted it to go away, everything, the anxiety, the panic, the crying, can't breathe because everything is caving in and the room is getting smaller. I collapsed on the bathroom floor. I just wanted it all to go away, so I cut my self. It's not something that I'm proud of nor do I do often. I just wanted to make the pain go away. I just wanted to stop crying and feeling like the world was coming to an end, I just wanted it to go away.

I stopped crying and stared at my arm I just stood there looking and than I woke up today.

Life is great, til next time