My First (Lesbian) Kiss...

I am bisexual. I always have been and have known from the age of about 7 or 8 that I was attracted to girls just as much as boys. Instead of posters of New Kids on the Block and Take That, I had posters of Marilyn Monroe and Danii Minogue adorning my walls.

I was part of the alternative scene, so my friends and I were regarded with a look of distate by other members of our college. This meant that our group were tight and did pretty much everything together boasting a teen-angst ridden 'Fuck You' attitude. I had begun to develop feelings for my friend 'S' who I knew had been a girl before. She was a miniature Drew Barrymore and I was smitten. This was a time when it was all about baby-doll dresses, choppy peroxide hair and big boots (I actually had friends who, prior to leaving for the rock club, would apply their pillarbox red lipstick and then smear it across their face in order to achieve the truest rock-whore, Love-esque look).

'S' and I flirted whilst being good friends to each other. She had the most beautiful body. She was petite, with the most amazing legs and large breasts. She would often lean over in her baby doll dresses and announce "Becca, these suspenders are driving me nuts, I just can't get these stockings to attach - will you do them for me?" as I fumbled around with the flimsy nylon trying not to stare. I swear she did it to wind me up. She helped me through a really tough break-up and her 'Screw him, you are way too good for that piece of shit' attitude really helped me through.

She decided that she was gonna throw a gathering for my 17th Birthday - no-one had ever done that for me before. As us girls lay around on duvets in her sitting room, watching 'Stealing Beauty' and passing the bottle of wine around to take deep swigs (remember Courtney was our guru!) 'S' and I would steal glances at each other. Neither of us were watching the film. "Hey Becca, come outside for a smoke with me?" she suggested, pulling me up off the floor.

We got out into the garden and sat down on a bench. We were both tipsy but not drunk to the point of not knowing what you're doing. If ever there was a time this was it. "I have a confession to make," I said quietly, not sure how this sort of thing worked. "I have feelings for someone. You, actually," I said looking down.
"You're beautiful" she told me, brushing my hair out of my face.
The next thing I knew we were tearing at each other, kissing in a way that took my breath away. We were all hands, pulling at each others shirts. I can still remember the feel of her, some 10 years on. We kissed for what seemed like an eternity. "WOW!" she gasped when we finally became 2 separate beings again, "that was...Oh my god, I'm speechless." I felt giddy. "We should probably head back in," she laughed "the girls are gonna wonder what the hell we were doing!" We straightened ourselves up, de-slutted our hair and rebutton our blouses.

All night, we kept looking at each other, sharing knowing looks. An electricity surging between us. Finally, we all fell asleep due to excess fun and alcohol.

The next morning everyone had sobered up. I didn't know how to feel. Had she only kissed me because of the alcohol? What, if I'd told her my feelings and she'd either a) forgotten or b) remembered and regretted it.

As a multitude of girls streamed up and down the stairs getting themselves ready for the day ahead, I found 'S' in the hallway. "Hi," I said shyly. "Erm, about last night...Do you regret it?"
At this point 'S' pushed me up against the wall and kissed me deeply, whilst our friends ran around upstairs oblivious to the fact that their pals, were in fact, getting it on just metres below. "Oh," I gasped, "I guess that answers that one!"

*****
I found 'S' just months ago on a rather popular social networking site. She had one of those obscure pictures for her profile picture. We sent a few messages and suggested that we meet for lunch one day. I sat and waited for her. My Drew Barrymore arrived. Except, gone was the hippy chick who made my knees weak. In her place stood a woman, whose style can only be described as, well, Laura Ashley. "Probably for the best," I told myself, thinking at how much 10 years can change a person. We sat and talked. To be honest, I could have quite easily been having lunch with a perfect stranger. Don't get me wrong, it was nice. She was lovely. But the spirit that had captured my lust all those years ago, was long gone. I thought to myself "How ironic, old 'S' would have hated new 'S'!"
I took a deep breath. "So, do you ever think about the old days," I said suggestively. "Do you still considering yourself bisexual?"
"Gosh, no!" she replied. "I think everyone goes through those 'experimental' phases, ha ha, weren't we silly? I was such a nightmare!" she laughed. "In fact, I swear that I only did it to annoy my parents."
I sat back in my chair and faked a smile. Wow, isn't denial a powerful emotion?