Today's post is geared more towards the soulful part of the inspiration for the new site name.
My love affair for life and the hope it brings stems back to the darkest days imaginable I've experienced. Days when bed seemed to be my only friend, food was the enemy but also my only comfort, and addictions ran high within my heart just to heal the pain. Pain of loss, confusion, self-hatred and depression.
Addictions, or rather desires for, money, beauty, success, and finding happiness through food and materials, just wanting to be whole. At my lowest points I've spent nights on bathroom floors in tears, some of those recent, spent hours some driving around at night just to think, and regularly passed time by writing in a journal just to release the pain. I've spent time alone eating foods that didn't serve my body well, and spent time neglecting my body of foods it needed.
I found a peace within my soul at age 20 that allowed me to see hope when I discovered my passion for health, life and writing. Hope for something, though I didn't know what and hope for brighter days, though I'd forgotten what they looked like. Hope for me, came years later when I met a true love in life. No, this love wasn't like others that had broken my heart before, though those loves were certainly beautiful and captivating in their own time and way, this love was different. This love was put in my heart by a God who knew my desires before I did; a God I had grown briefly apart from. This love was for a future and a dream bigger than myself and bigger than my imagination.
I stepped out of a taxi into a city that called me home: New York City.Have you ever had a premonition of life's greatest promises? Oh what you were meant to do ?
I have.
I've always been a writer, though a fairly antsy one. I own pages upon pages of journals with book beginnings and no middle or end. I met New York and knew my writing would come. I knew I then had an inspiration, though others questioned my passions, my abilities and my strength. My initial first dance with a city that my heart belonged to, I felt home. I felt a part of a world that I've always felt at odds with. I felt like when no one else understood me, a city's spirit already knew me.
I moved to New York in a hurry last year, all in a rush as if I had to begin a relationship right away. I jumped into something I wasn't yet ready for, though my heart knew it wanted. I knew that my love for a place so great existed and wanted the final matrimony between me and that city to be united. I learned time had to bring the relationship and not me. Moving back to SC was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I followed my heart that one day, I would be able to go back to the beautiful city I so longed for and wanted to call mine.
I moved to New York in a hurry last year, all in a rush as if I had to begin a relationship right away. I jumped into something I wasn't yet ready for, though my heart knew it wanted. I knew that my love for a place so great existed and wanted the final matrimony between me and that city to be united. I learned time had to bring the relationship and not me. Moving back to SC was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I followed my heart that one day, I would be able to go back to the beautiful city I so longed for and wanted to call mine.
After moving back home, I began to write. Not write because I felt I had to, or because I feel so guilty for neglecting my God given ability to write, but because I wanted to.
I started to blog and found my love's true heart and the reason I want to rejoin a city I now know I'm meant to be a part of. I write this blog to you daily because I want to share my dreams to you, my passion for health, and the revelation to me behind health and joy, and the interaction that food has in between. Please note however, that food is not the answer. I've learned this the hard way over the years and don't want you to have to.
New York City is not just a city for me, but one where I feel at home, at peace, and in my element. I had to go back to my first home in SC to realize this, and the time I had with my dad before he passed away this May was worth it, but I'm now ready to move on to the life I know was destined for me, and I know it lies in New York City.
Give me new places to explore, but no time schedule and give me time at home, and time to breathe, time for a nice vinyasa yoga session and time for kitchen duty and I'm happy. No need for a restaurant or movie, just the nightly news will do. I'm boring by others standards but simply quite my own being. This city embraces that, understands that and I feel comfortable to admit to, without being judged or feel oddly different. Don't give me a beach with sand, give me a new city to dream about and to live in.
Sure the subway isn't the greatest, but I navigate it like a ship right on a compass. I look at the tall buildings and gaze in wonder and the busy streets excite me for all the different people there. The accents and languages of others are unlike my own, and the lives of people all different than the one I know. The opportunities to grow are endless and my big, favorite cozy sweaters can be used much more there than here. Yes, I love New York, but mostly because it makes me want to stop while I'm walking down the street and write. Write about that big bright piece of fruit I just saw, or that lovely little flower shop I walked into or that charming brownstone apartment with window boxes of flowers that is home to an elderly woman with a small dog.
My love affair continues with this great city while praying and dreaming. My big city mentality has always been present and imprisoned in such a small town. I love many people here and have been so loved and supported but know I'm made for somewhere other than here. We have to follow the dreams in our path. For me, plans for this place will continue to be made.
Afterall, one's heart can eat so much healthy food, but so much healthy food can only satisfy certain parts of your soul.
Afterall, one's heart can eat so much healthy food, but so much healthy food can only satisfy certain parts of your soul.
Keep that in mind when you're struggling with your own health. Remember that life is more than what you eat, how much you weigh and what you look like. I've been down all those roads and to find something that makes me so happy I could cry, is what I know life is about.I threw away my scales six years ago, and to this day have not weighed myself, nor know what I weigh or care to. When my jeans are a little snug, I just smile because I know I've eaten well when I've been hungry but never past that point. I know my body has eaten foods that nourished it and that brought me health. Remember that dear readers, remember to dream, no matter your age, because its when you quit that no vegetable or fruit can satisfy the longing in your heart for true happiness,
In one month, I invite you to follow me as I will be applying to NYU to get my Master's next spring in Food Studies in hopes to work as food writer in the the beautiful existence of Manhattan. I will keep you posted on this soulful journey, and thank you for allowing me to share it with you.
I promise tomorrow a recipe will be posted, but today, I wanted to share what was on my heart and what the soul part of this blog is truly about- being honest, raw and real.
.:*Heart and Soul*:.
You need to be a member of 20 Something Bloggers to add comments!
Join 20 Something Bloggers