Not the TA Award Blog I Wanted to Write

Today started off as a very good day. I hung out with Alissa and then got an e-mail saying I won a TA award. I was very happy. Then I told my mom (against my better knowledge, I admit), and then I was very, very sad and hurt.

What happened from there reminded of a George Carlin joke that I believe was in the very last HBO special he did before he died. Basically, this guy wants to commit suicide, and then he gets all caught up in the logistics of it. That's what I did.

I felt very sad, and, having taken high school biology and all that, I tried to think of what chemicals I could put into my system to temporarily and artificially elevate my mood.

I thought of smoking. Smoking is a Swiss Army knife of a mood changer. I've tried it and I like it. It's simple, meditative, and you can do it for anything - when you're sad, angry, happy, anxious, calm, anything. It Just Works (TM).

But then I thought.. I've quit for so long, do I really want to break my streak because of this? My dad quit cold turkey when I was born. Am I gonna pussy out and start again because my feelings were hurt? God, the smell.

I don't have any cigarettes. I'll have to go down to the fuckin gas station to get them. Jesus they're not cheap either, and I need to not spend my money too stupidly. Should I take my bike down to the gas station? That would be quick.. but then I'd have to ride my bike all the way back, and that's all uphill. And I will have just smoked. That won't be fun. I just whitened my teeth too. Hm.

I could drink! I don't really like drinking though and I've never drank to change my mood. Hm. I have leftover vodka from Wonderful Winter Break. I don't want to feel sick though. And hm. That's a lotta empty carbs. Is getting fat going to help things? The vodka needs to be chilled. I really don't have that kind of time.

In the end, I got over myself and played World of Warcraft.

I won a TA award today.