Skewed Meaning of "Seen But Not Heard"

I walked into a restaurant the other night and I saw a little boy; he must have been 7 or 8, slumped over in a chair with his head down. I noticed he had some sort of Game Boy or “DS” (as they call it now) in his hands. He had earphones in so he could hear the sound, but not disturb anyone else. His parents were engaged in conversation with one another not paying him any attention. They left him alone and he left them alone. Hey, it’s cheaper than getting a babysitter. (Note the sarcasm here)

This little boy was a living example, the epitome of “seen but not heard.” You would think he would be the model child to fit that age-old saying. But he is not. Actually, it is all-wrong.

This boy is not observing and learning social skills through his silence. Instead he is silenced by the music of a video game and the glow of a blue computer screen. All he is learning is that’s okay to isolate yourself in a social setting.

I couldn’t help but think back to my childhood. I have always been a lover of words. I remember intently listening to my parent’s interactions with another and I would listen for, what I called, “foo-foo” words. No, not curse words, although I did learn some of those by default. I mean words like “accolades” “indicative of,” “kudos” or “perplexed.” I would ask my mother later what those words meant, she would explain and I would try and use them in my own speech. I liked the way these words rolled off my tongue. I liked sounding older and smart. I liked that my teachers would look impressed when I used a “foo-foo” word at school.

Through observation and listening I learned from my parents. I asked a million questions and they tried (as long as their patience would allow) to answer all of them. I observed how they smiled and greeted people. I asked why some people got hugs and some people got handshakes. I learned to answer people politely when they spoke, that it was rude to interrupt, to make eye contact and to call people “Mr.” and “Mrs.” out of respect.

Nothing monumental, but little things that made a big difference; like manners “please, ” “thank- you,” “excuse me” and “God Bless You.” These things that seems to be lacking in today’s youth of America.

That boy in the restaurant with the video game would probably walk with his head down and face staring at the screen. He would climb into his car and his parents would turn on the DVD player that flipped down, creating yet another barrier in physicality and communication. At least he would be quiet in the car. He would be seen, but not heard.

He would not watch his parents play the air guitar with Richie Sambora to a Bon Jovi song. Nor would he ever learn the words to Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty without actually knowing the meaning of “Thunder Road” or “Last Dance with Mary Jane.” The headphones that allowed him to hear the DVD playing would also deprive him of this interaction.