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Why Nice Guys Finish Last (hint: stop being a little bitch)
I had the ultimate nice guy. Like really, I don’t think I’ll ever be with a guy who was as nice as this guy.
* On our second date, I told him I loved Disney movies but was sad because I only had them on VHS. On our third date, he handed me a stack of Disney DVD’s that he had burned for me.
* I once mentioned that I was craving donuts. On our next date, he bought me a box of Krispy Kreme donuts while I was at the hairdressers.
* He cooked me dinner of lasagna, salad, and bread.
* I hosted a half-birthday party for myself as an excuse to drink alcohol. On my actual, real half-birthday, he sent me a bouquet of flowers to my office.
* He would drive 45 minutes to have lunch with me.
* Knowing how much I loved Christmas lights, he once drove two hours to pick me up and then drove to LA to look at lights–but the evening proved to be a bust as there were hardly any lights up.
However, there were little things about him that I couldn’t quite get over no matter how much I tried. For one, he had really bad posture. He was constantly hunched over and considering how tall he was, his posture made him look as if he had very little self respect. Not very manly. Another thing was that he wasn’t very social. I’ve always been attracted to guys who are the life of the party and know how to have a good time. This guy was more than just shy, he really didn’t like socializing that much or at least wasn’t very good at it, making it incredibly difficult to take him with me anywhere because i wasn’t sure how he would act. I also want a guy who can make me laugh. Out of all the qualities people need in their mate, mine is laughter. That’s how The Ex won me over and at first, that was how this guy won me over too. On our second date, I remember laughing so hard my cheeks hurt–the perfect way to figure out how awesome a date was.
I knew he was a nice guy, so I tried for five months to fall for him. I mean, I dated him exclusively, I saw him three times a week, I really did everything in my power to fall for this guy because I wanted to so badly. But this guy was not a MAN. In fact, he was more of a girl than I was.
If we were out, he would throw temper tantrums and hissy fits (like purposely disappearing for half an hour) if I talked to some of my guy friends. If he was mad, he would give me the cold shoulder for something and then expect me to figure out why he was mad instead of just telling me. When we were at a laker game, he stopped talking to me in the fourth quarter because I couldn’t remember his birthday. He once emailed me incredibly hurt because after our date I kissed him on the cheek instead of the mouth. He wanted to know “why?!”
I mean, isn’t this stuff I’m supposed to do? I tried to break up with him a couple of times and every time he said he would be better and it just takes him time to get used to someone and comfortable around them and that explained his irrational behavior. But after five months, I couldn’t do it anymore and I ended it over the phone. He started to cry. And I’m not talking about a couple of tears, no, these were full out shoulders-heaving sobs. He then hung up on me, called me back and told me he loved me. (The first time he ever said it to me). That night he texted me a million times, and all weekend, shifting from “please give us another chance” to “it’s fine, i’m over you, have a nice life.” I felt really, really bad for the guy, but it just resolidified my position that he was not the one for me. I need a guy to respect himself a little more than that.
So please, stop telling me that nice guys finish last. If you feel that way, ask yourself if you’re acting like a little bitch and then reevaluate.
To all the nice guys out there, I tried. I really did. But it’s not me, it’s you.
* On our second date, I told him I loved Disney movies but was sad because I only had them on VHS. On our third date, he handed me a stack of Disney DVD’s that he had burned for me.
* I once mentioned that I was craving donuts. On our next date, he bought me a box of Krispy Kreme donuts while I was at the hairdressers.
* He cooked me dinner of lasagna, salad, and bread.
* I hosted a half-birthday party for myself as an excuse to drink alcohol. On my actual, real half-birthday, he sent me a bouquet of flowers to my office.
* He would drive 45 minutes to have lunch with me.
* Knowing how much I loved Christmas lights, he once drove two hours to pick me up and then drove to LA to look at lights–but the evening proved to be a bust as there were hardly any lights up.
However, there were little things about him that I couldn’t quite get over no matter how much I tried. For one, he had really bad posture. He was constantly hunched over and considering how tall he was, his posture made him look as if he had very little self respect. Not very manly. Another thing was that he wasn’t very social. I’ve always been attracted to guys who are the life of the party and know how to have a good time. This guy was more than just shy, he really didn’t like socializing that much or at least wasn’t very good at it, making it incredibly difficult to take him with me anywhere because i wasn’t sure how he would act. I also want a guy who can make me laugh. Out of all the qualities people need in their mate, mine is laughter. That’s how The Ex won me over and at first, that was how this guy won me over too. On our second date, I remember laughing so hard my cheeks hurt–the perfect way to figure out how awesome a date was.
I knew he was a nice guy, so I tried for five months to fall for him. I mean, I dated him exclusively, I saw him three times a week, I really did everything in my power to fall for this guy because I wanted to so badly. But this guy was not a MAN. In fact, he was more of a girl than I was.
If we were out, he would throw temper tantrums and hissy fits (like purposely disappearing for half an hour) if I talked to some of my guy friends. If he was mad, he would give me the cold shoulder for something and then expect me to figure out why he was mad instead of just telling me. When we were at a laker game, he stopped talking to me in the fourth quarter because I couldn’t remember his birthday. He once emailed me incredibly hurt because after our date I kissed him on the cheek instead of the mouth. He wanted to know “why?!”
I mean, isn’t this stuff I’m supposed to do? I tried to break up with him a couple of times and every time he said he would be better and it just takes him time to get used to someone and comfortable around them and that explained his irrational behavior. But after five months, I couldn’t do it anymore and I ended it over the phone. He started to cry. And I’m not talking about a couple of tears, no, these were full out shoulders-heaving sobs. He then hung up on me, called me back and told me he loved me. (The first time he ever said it to me). That night he texted me a million times, and all weekend, shifting from “please give us another chance” to “it’s fine, i’m over you, have a nice life.” I felt really, really bad for the guy, but it just resolidified my position that he was not the one for me. I need a guy to respect himself a little more than that.
So please, stop telling me that nice guys finish last. If you feel that way, ask yourself if you’re acting like a little bitch and then reevaluate.
To all the nice guys out there, I tried. I really did. But it’s not me, it’s you.
Comment
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Comment by Jesse on September 24, 2009 at 12:16pm -
I stumbled on this post but it kind of hits home for me, in my last relationship I turned into that guy, mind you before it I was not like that, although I was not quite the manly man either, i would say i was not anything to be honest just really quiet and always in the background. Anyways she ended it of course, deservingly so but after looking back I realize when I was acting like that I had no clue how it was coming off to people, it makes me sick to think I was ever like that to be honest. Since then I feel I have been growing a lot and into the man I really am, this girl was my first relationship in H.S. and then we got back together 5 years later something about her turned me into that whinny sissy guy I had no respect for myself and let myself get walked all over. All I did was try to please her and not ruin her mood with disregard to my own feelings. that is not a relationship but what I am saying is that without her breaking it off with me I would have continued to act like that even though I kept saying I would change, it really took losing her to see how I was acting and how messed up it is. I am not an asshole but I am really a Nice Guy and I am finding that out but you also have to be a confident man which I was not. This guy im sure did not realize how he was acting. when I did it I could not see it I was just acting off pure emotion without thinking and supplicating to her. What you did was right because thats the only way someone like that can really change, but they also have to want to change, god knows I did.
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Comment by Irene on May 8, 2009 at 6:16pm -
and, I totally agree 100% with the first comment up there!
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Comment by Irene on May 8, 2009 at 6:14pm
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wowza. that was refreshing - the beginning of your post was incredibly relatable to me - at the moment I am, for the first time ever in my life, dating a "nice guy." Have been for almost a year now. But. . as I read on, I quickly realized that my guy is DEF. not the guy you were seeing. I mean, I can def. see how you gave it a good amount of time - 5 months is enough to pretty much see if you will be with the person somewhat long-term or not. . I've always thought that "nice guys DO finish last". . I've always been into the bad boy, I've really done me in over the years. . esp. the last one I was seeing last year - broke my trust majorly. My guy now is left to pick up the pieces and I am a snooty bitch to him sometimes, I'll admit. It's not the fact that he is "too nice," he is nice enough and that comes with REALLY being into someone and being "all there" (no weird physcological hang ups, drugs, etc.) I feel it's not fair that he needs to clean up the mess my past has created. . but such is life!. .
Let's admit it - nice guys can become boring. Sorry, nice guys. See, the thing with me is that I NEVER claimed to want a "nice guy." I've always known how I've been and my ways - all the stuff I've been through. . that was my fault. for allowing them to treat me like a doormat at times. But. I lived. Loved and lost and all that shabang. most importantly, I LEARNED.
amen. ;)
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Comment by the.lifestyle.artist on April 10, 2009 at 6:45pm -
u read my mind lol
http://thelifestyleartist.blogspot.com/2009/03/nice-guys-do-finish-last-its-needy-ones.html
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Comment by JackoStain on March 26, 2009 at 3:27pm -
lol
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Comment by imerika on March 25, 2009 at 6:41pm -
I'll send the word out.
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Comment by JackoStain on March 24, 2009 at 2:49pm
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Lol that guy was kind of crazy, how could he not know how to be cool. I went on a date with this girl I talk to online for two years and everyone in restaurant was looking over like every 2 seconds, because we both were cracking up. That’s the most fun date I ever bin on.
I say if you don’t think it will work, tell the guy, just like you did, I do admire you for trying to make it work, looking past his bad posture because he has no control over that I assume. But the things he did that were very feminine were a def no no. I wonder why those guys always meet the best girls, or do I just be hanging out in the wrong places?
I do get that allot, why the hell some people think you should know why they are upset. Talk please tell me why, I am way to happy of a guy to be thinking why your upset especially if I feel I did nothing to trigger such action.
I think you did the right thing. Don’t rush the right guy will come. I know you might say when? But that’s what we all don’t know. I am still waiting on the so called right girl. if you see her tell her I am looking for her ok.
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Comment by Larissa on February 26, 2009 at 12:12pm -
wow, i admit he sounded like the perfect guy, but every guy no matter how nice he is, has his flaws- and i think he had too many. dont feel badly that that guy didnt work out, you tried and to tell the truth, throwing hissy fits is ridiculous- too much drama if you ask me. Plus there are nice guys out there without all the drama- ive found at least a couple. ;D
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Comment by imerika on February 24, 2009 at 1:03pm
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haha thanks Katie! I guess that sums it up then. Real nice guys don't finish last, it's the poseur nice guys who call themselves nice guys when really they're just drama queens...this explains it sooo well.
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